The Birds and The Bees
by Shakespira
Summary: Riordan and Duncan learn a valuable lesson about pranks from an eleven year old girl.


**The Birds and the Bees**

There was a rule in the manor house of the Jader Grey Warden compound that Nila Caron insisted be carried out. Each night when the men came in from their duties, they left their boots by the hearth in the great hall. The wooden floors of the manor were cleaned each day and she did not want the men tracking mud or dirt on those clean floors. They were not to wear them until they left for their duties the following morning. Even Leonie had learned very early that the rule was immutable. Each evening Leonie would count the pairs of boots to make sure everyone had obeyed the rule. Nila's temper, while milder than Balfour Caron's, was still legendary.

Leonie was in the dining hall, helping Freya set the table for the evening meal. She was bright and inquisitive and asking Freya about everything. At eleven, she was tall for her age and her blue eyes were round and full of curiosity. Freya, having no children of her own, enjoyed Leonie's company and answered her questions with the patience of a mother.

"Do you think Riordan and Duncan hate each other?" Leonie asked finally and she looked so worried that Freya gave her a hug.

"No, Lion. They are the best of friends, more like brothers than friends. They ran in Val Royeaux together and went through their Joining together. That makes them brothers, don't you think? But they are scamps, the both of them. Why do you ask, child?"

"I saw them pushing each other down by the creek earlier. They were standing on that old rotten trunk that goes across the water and they were trying to push each other in. When Riordan fell in, he grabbed Duncan and they both got wet and Duncan said that Riordan was a cocky son of a bit…"

"Hush! That is not a word a young lady should know or say, Leo. Your mother will not be happy at all if you repeat it," Freya cautioned and bit back a chuckle.

Duncan and Riordan were indeed the best of friends but they were constantly trying to one-up the other, playing pranks and carrying on like overgrown children. The stories Freya had heard had made her blush and laugh and shake her head all at once. They were loveable rascals, the both of them, but harmless and always full of mischief and good cheer. Freya smiled at Leonie again as they continued to set the table.

"So the things they do to each other are because they love each other like brothers?" Leonie asked, sounding skeptical.

"Exactly so, my pet"

Leonie loved Freya. She always smelled of apples and fresh bread and she always had time for Leonie. Leonie loved her mother even more, but Mama was often busy running the house during the day and tending the men or helping Papa. She would make time for Leonie in the evenings and the mornings, but during the day, Leonie was largely on her own. Freya, with only the kitchen to worry about, had the time to listen to Leonie's many questions and tales of woe about Perot.

After the table was set, Freya slipped Leonie a piece of apple cake and sent her out to wait for the evening meal. Leonie went into the great hall and found her special hiding spot, curling up in the corner of the room with her treat and waiting for the bell announcing dinner.

Duncan moved in the shadows, silent and secretive. He found a pair of worn leather boots sitting by the hearth and with a flick and a twist and no sound, he had them in his hands and after a moment, returned them with the same stealth. He was back in his room before anyone knew he had left it. And then he waited for the dinner bell. Leonie watched, fascinated but silent, afraid she would be yelled at for spying, a habit her mother said was not very ladylike.

Several minutes later Riordan moved in the shadows, silent and secretive. He found a pair of shiny new leather boots, sitting on the hearth, and with a flick and a twist and no sound, he had it in his hands and after a moment, returned them with the same stealth. He was back in his room before anyone knew he had left it. And then he waited for the dinner bell. Again Leonie watched, fascinated but silent, afraid she would be yelled at for spying, a habit her mother said was not very ladylike.

Careful and quiet, Leonie crept out of her hiding place and made her way to the worn leather boots and carefully picked one up. It was heavy and smelled as sweet as honey. She sniffed again and then cautiously stuck her hand inside. When she withdrew it, her fingers were smeared with a sweet, sticky amber fluid and she licked her fingers, smiling happily. It smelled like honey because it _was_ honey. She set the boot down and moved to the shiny leather boots and picked those up. More honey greeted her fingers. She giggled as she replaced the boot.

Wandering back into the kitchen, Leonie watched Freya sweeping the kitchen floor and watching the woman gave Leonie an idea. Surely she should show Riordan and Duncan that she cared about them. She loved Riordan and Duncan. They were family, like big brothers who always made time for her.

Riordan worked with her every day in the training yard and was teaching her to ride a horse. She loved to feel his scratchy cheek against hers and he told wonderful stories about life in Val Royeaux when he was a cut purse. Not that she ever told Mama about those tales, knowing instinctively they were not the stories a lady should hear. He tickled her and teased her and made her smile even when she was hurt and crying. He was her best friend in all of Jader.

Duncan came to visit them every three months. He would spend a week or two with them before making the journey back to Ferelden. He always brought her something. A little treat tucked into his pocket, produced with a knowing grin when she went to greet him with her usual hug. One time he brought her an empty robin's egg, fragile and as blue as her eyes, according to Duncan. Another time he brought her an amulet that he had found that was decorated with carved Mabari hounds; war dogs of Ferelden, he claimed, and a smarter dog had never been bred. He always read her bedtime stories and his visits always made her happier.

Leonie crept out to the great hall and carefully filled each of the boots with her surprise before creeping back to the kitchen. She was very excited to be in on the pranks and was nearly bouncing with that excitement.

The dinner bell rang and the dining hall filled with the raucous voices of the Grey Wardens of Jader. Leonie settled into her place beside Duncan and across from Riordan. Riordan grinned at her.

"You look like you've been up to no good, lass. Have you been giving Perot a rough time again?" Riordan asked and Leonie snorted in a most unladylike way. Her mother sighed and shook her head but Leonie saw the smile peeking out before her mother covered her mouth.

"He is the one who gives me a rough time, Riordan. I am always very nice to him," she protested and even Duncan laughed at that.

"Lion, I've seen you pound on poor Perot with your practice sword. I would hardly call that being nice to him," Duncan said, his brown eyes merry. Leonie loved his smile, it always made his face light up and it made her feel like she was somehow special. His smiles were rare and reserved for special occasions, while Riordan's were as bright and frequent as summer sun.

"That is not the same thing, Duncan. You taught me that I must be fierce when I fight and Riordan says I must fight twice as hard as the boys if I am to gain their respect," Leonie protested, feeling unjustly accused. Although she secretly admitted to herself that she enjoyed pounding Perot, he was an insufferable bully at times.

Dinner passed with the usual banter and even Ceres, who tended to be very quiet at dinner, seemed to enjoy the easy jocularity of the men. Leonie loved this time of day, with all the men gathered around the long table and Papa presiding over them with his booming, thunderous voice and Mama sitting at the other end, laughing and teasing with the men, and sending Papa secret smiles that always made him blush.

Leonie had trouble sleeping that night and was up earlier than usual the next morning. She went to the kitchen, where Freya was already preparing breakfast. She gave Leonie a thick slice of bread, slathered with butter, and after thanking the woman, Leonie impatiently waited for breakfast.

The men began to slowly gather around the long table. Freya brought out large platters of crepes, dripping with honey, which made Leonie giggle. When Riordan gave her a questioning look, she opened her eyes wide and said only, "My favorite breakfast!" which was not entirely true, she preferred blackberry turnovers.

Leonie found it nearly impossible to sit still as the men lingered over breakfast. She finally excused herself and went to hide in her favorite spot, wriggling and squirming in anticipation.

The two men, laughing at something Ceres had said, entered the room at last. Leonie's heart was clickety clacking in her chest and she stepped out of the shadows just a little, to gain a better view. Both men stood, hands resting on the large mantelpiece for balance, and shoved their feet into their boots. Both let out loud cries and they glared at each other, slowly removing their sock clad feet, now covered in honey and chicken feathers.

Leonie was bent over with the force of her giggles, her hands trying to press the laughter back in, her eyes streaming with tears.

"What is this?" Duncan cried angrily, waving a feathered foot at Riordan.

"I could ask you the same, brother," Riordan retorted, waving a similarly feathered foot at Duncan.

Leonie, whose giggles had given way to hiccups, her sides aching, stepped forward.

"That is honey," she said pointing to the amber liquid coating the two men's socks. "It comes from bees. The bees gather nectar and take it back to their hive and make honey!" she informed them brightly.

"And feathers come from birds. Birds use the feathers to help keep them warm and dry and to help them fly!" Leonie continued and her smile widened as the other men in the room began to chuckle. Duncan and Riordan were staring at each other, frowning in confusion.

"What is going on?" Nila demanded, entering the hall with her hands on her hips. Her voice was commanding and angry. The room fell silent and Leonie felt a nibble of fear in her stomach.

Ceres finally piped up, his voice overflowing with humor. "Oh nothing, Nila. Leonie is just teaching Riordan and Duncan about the birds and the bees!"

The laughter drowned out any reply Nila made as Riordan and Duncan, each blushing a bright shade of red, realized they had been out-pranked by an eleven year old girl who didn't even understand why.


End file.
